Life is good

Let me say this without a tragic soundtrack. Life is good. It is better than good. I came through a drug life that should have killed me more than once, and I am still here.

Today I have something like 104 or 105 days clean. I am on government assistance for the long haul. Rent, food, clothing, the tools I use to work, including the software that lets me build with these models. That floor is solid. I do not have to pretend I am one unpaid invoice from the street.

The psychosis faded. I never needed antidepressants. I still take Invega Sustenna for schizoaffective disorder. I am healthy. I am smoking less. I have recovery peers who have my back, and I have theirs. Friends at Mattys Place. Family who are well. A niece who is eight and already dangerous around a Fedora box. A couple of shy friends I hope come back around. I can write fractal tech djent and space metal and take that craft seriously. I learn fast when I do not already know. I am getting more patient as I age.

I am grateful for the models, honestly. I turned a lot of this around in the early 2020s with that help. I have software that actually makes things. I have stories I can sell. I have Cursor, which is how I ship. None of that is the same as a royalty cheque from a stranger.

Here is the part I owe people. I let my mom and dad, and some people at Mattys Place, think the books were already paying. I wanted them not to worry. I wanted the tech and the literary work to look like they had landed. Paul never asked me how many copies I sold. I never told him a number. The true number is one copy of The Velvet Arrangement, bought by me on this site. Stripe sent back $4.55. That is in the last note. I am saying the rest of it here so I stop carrying a story that was meant to protect people and ended up protecting my pride.

The house is real. The shop is real. The apps are real. They are not paying yet. I think they will. We have to close the gap between the impression and the till, then do the work. That is all.